Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
