We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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