either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No subtext here. People are naked.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
