I'm going to jail i love you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
