I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
