My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
