Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
