she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize