ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she smelled like a LAN party
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
