$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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