She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
