even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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