He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
