Nicole vs. Life
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i have two assholes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
