I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
