What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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