Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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