I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
