I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
