we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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