I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
