I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
pop tarts are not kleenex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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