You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
