Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
