I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
