Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
