the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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