Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
