Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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