part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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