you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
