Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
