hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
