pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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