the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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