Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
