I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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