i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
