just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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