I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
