I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize