grandma shit on top of the toilet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
