I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
