You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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