ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
