I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
