im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
