never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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