Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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