3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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