when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize