We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
