dude i'm inner monologue high
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
