i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
