Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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