I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There r osticjed everywhere
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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