one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
