Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
